On 2 DEC 07, I received an email from my HOA president that the following article I wrote for the HOA newsletter would NOT be published because, “The Board of Directors feel strongly about the safety of our children and we do not believe your comments on crosswalks and school zones were appropriate for the newsletter.” With that, I’ve decided to publish it here instead.
This article deadline has me working from another state, but I’m pleased to report that I’m with family and in a town that has a near perfect transportation grid (the posted speed limits could be a little higher). There are no traffic lights, no intersections with all-way stop signs, and I’m minutes away from an interstate highway. On the drive up I achieved an average speed 2.5 times the Town’s outdated speed limit and got a 20% increase in fuel mileage. Unfortunately, this place is nearly 300 miles from work.
This was going to be a typical transportation article for the newsletter. You know, humans do things to ruin the flow of traffic, I write about it here, and we shake our heads in disbelief. Perhaps it has something to do with the Christmas season, but I just didn’t feel like spoiling the holiday season with the doom and gloom of human induced gridlock. Instead, I felt like I could tweak the lyrics of the Twelve Days of Christmas in such a way that we end off the year on a positive, optimistic note. For this rendition, I’ll need to remind you that “HuGo” is a contraction of the phrase “Human of Government.”
On the first day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, commutes that are traffic-jam free.
On the second day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, no more excuses.
On the third day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, free decals.
On the fourth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, gas made of corn.
On the fifth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, (good)’bye R-T-C.
On the sixth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, nix daytime paving.
On the seventh day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, banishment of Sport-utes.
On the eighth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, no pokey drivers.
On the ninth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, Nien silly crosswalks.
On the tenth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, death to all school zones.
On the eleventh day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, school buses that use rockets.
On the twelth day of Christmas the HuGos gave to me, fewer traffic lights.
Yes, I know that’s hoping for a lot, but hey, it is the Christmas season. Speaking of the season, on behalf of my family, I want to wish all of you, especially you government officials, a very Merry Christmas. May this season provide you with an opportunity to reflect upon and (re)appreciate the good things in our lives. …And have a blessed New Year.
